What did my interview with Louise Green help me realize?

As I sat down with Louise, I shared that as I hear the stories of my companions, I'm noticing my own story doesn't feel so alone anymore. My story hasn't felt lonely, but as I listen, I hear my own story being held in the context and space of others. I am also remembering, allowing me to integrate my past into my present and future. It feels like a type of excavation work. The stories are pushing me to dig into my past, see what's there and where those stories need to be placed within me now.

Near the end of our conversation, Louise shared that when she was almost four years old, she was in a horrible car accident, an accident that nearly killed her. Her most vivid memory is being held by a police officer who just happened to witness the accident. If this police officer had not held Louise in just the right way, she would have died.

My memory takes me back to the first grade.....

when I was in a car accident. In our own driveway, I was run over by our family van. I was on my back and looked up just in time to see the right front wheel come over my chest. My little hands went up to try to stop it. I was left with a bruised heart and in the ICU for over a week, in the hospital for at least two weeks. I remember being held by my dad after I somehow got up and ran into the house, my chest heavy as a ton of bricks. I remember being held by the paramedics as we left our house, my brother and sister left behind and watching me leave. I remember being held by the stretcher in the ambulance as I struggled to get comfortable, not realizing that when a conversion van runs over your 7 year old chest getting comfortable isn't going to happen. I have this feeling I almost died and my dad has reminded me at numerous times that he thinks I was saved for something.

This is a picture of me with my twin brother, John, plus our dog, Dinky, with van in the background. This was around the time of the accident.

I don't think of my accident often--my parents were traumatized, hence silent in my recovery and aftermath. I think they also take kids processing of trauma more seriously these days. I don't remember being visited by an art therapist in the hospital. But this story of trauma came up as Louise shared one of her own experiences of life and death. I didn't know this story about Louise. I shared because Louise shared. Now our stories have this common, traumatic bond. Sharing these stories are an act of being held by those who matter the most to me, who can hold on to the trauma, the joy and the rising up from the ashes to create life again. Louise loves the image of the Phoenix Rising--a phoenix bird rising up out of the ashes of fire. Phoenix Rising was also the name of Margee Idding's former retreat center in Western Maryland. We are now in the season of Easter, when we've been holding on to the trauma and the joy of Jesus' story only to negotiate and chase the ways of creating life anew.

Louise speaks to this resurrection moment in her collage she created at the end of our interview. Louise's collage is on the left, mine is on the right. With the flowers, Louise remembers the cherry blossoms that are in bloom and the cherry blossom picture she looked at every day for six weeks while on the radiation machine at Sibley. The blossoms reflect the renewing of spring, her transformation and most recent phoenix rising experience. The "precious time" reflects Louise insight from cancer that we don't have how much time we have....make the most of it. The wheels in the lower right are mandalas for Louise, wheels touching yet distinct, complicated within each wheel. The "light of oneness" is God as disco ball!

In my collage, I picked this river coming out of a sunrise (or sunset?). Either way, the waters of life flowing in an organic, authentic way that grow and get wider as more water is added and connected to the cells within. These are the waters of baptism--mysterious, powerful, vulnerable, growing more as drops and cells are added. These baptismal waters hold accountability and responsibility to care and hold each other in the Light. Louise is a drop of baptism water for me. "Living our potential" is part of this interviewing process; receiving language, images and stories that push me to name and clarify my own potential. The lotus picture reflects the need to be grounded, centered, ready to flower and blossom in time. I drew a spiral to connect with Louise's life image.

May that connection be so.