In a conversation before our interview, Ruth asked me point blank, "so why are lbgt issues important to you?" I kind of fumbled around with my words, not really pleased with my answer. Then I blurted out, "it's about relationships!" I went on to say that relationships are crucial to my existence, primary to my own evolving and healing. Included in those relationships are my friends and companions who are glbt. If a dimension of say, Ruth's life, is fragmented because of the oppressive reality of sexual orientation, then a part of my life is also diminished. My own healing is bound up in the well being of others, especially those who are close to me.

After I finished my response to Ruth's poignant question, she said, "so this is part of your wholeness, too." Yes. It is. And while I have believed that, sitting with Ruth at that moment along with our interview really internalized that reality. Ruth commented in our interview, "we are all queer on some level."

This brings me to the word "ally." Ruth mentioned that a hetero friend questioned the use of the word ally as identifying straight folks role or identity in the queer movement for equality. If I say I'm an ally for marriage equality then it sounds as if I am advocating on behalf of the marriage equality movement. I an advocating "for them." Oh, by the way, I also started using marriage equality almost exclusively after my conversation with Ruth. "Same sex" marriage means two genders are the same; that phrase doesn't take into account a fluid interpretation of gender or not identifying with a gender at all. Listen to Banish the Binary! in the audio.

So I wonder what word or identity would symbolize that all of "this" is part of my wholeness, too? That when I believe in marriage equality, when I get ordained into a denomination that believes in the fullness of ordination, that when I work in a More Light church, when our family marches in Gay Pride in D.C.......I'm not doing those things not just for others, I'm doing those things for myself, too. These experiences and public "outings" build up my healing and sense of self. "Ally" seems like I'm doing the work at an arms length rather then embedded in the work and reality of the queer movement.

I don't want to get too hung up on the word "ally." But Ruth likes to play with words and their integrity of meaning so it's been fun and rewarding to think of who I am in the midst of the wholeness and healing.

This leads me to.....banish the binary and the social construction of gender. By social construction of gender I mean something like this:

The ideology of gender determines:

- What is expected of us

- What is allowed of us

- What is valued in us.

The ideology of gender also determines the nature and extent of:

- Disadvantage

- Disparity

- Discrimination

The manifestation of gender difference can be found in the construction of:

- Roles - what women and men do

- Relations - how women and men relate to each other

- Identity - how women and men perceive themselves

If God wants our wholeness which Ruth proclaims (and I believe in her testimony) then being limited to how we express ourselves impacts how we experience wholeness and well-being. Growing up I heard, "Ashley is like a tom-boy" or my mom's relentless quest to have me in dresses. As I look back, I wasn't trying to look like a boy, I was trying to be myself and being in shorts, t-shirts and sneakers was my choice in how I wanted to be. When I was in NYC interviewing Mary Foulke, I was also able to visit with Renee, her partner, and Helena and Mattie, their two kids. Helena could pass as a "boy" but I've seen pictures of Helena looking more like a "girl." What a gift Mary and Renee give Helena for letting her make the choice about how she wants to appear, be, and know herself.

Banish the Binary. Banish the two-gendered way of expecting everyone to be. Banish how we have such a limited way of experiencing and knowing ourselves. Ruth identifies as transgender, particularly in political moments and when someone calls her a lesbian (this is similar to Louise Green's understanding of herself as bisexual). Ruth's partner, Adrienne, identifies as androgynous. Amen to stepping outside the gendered box of living!

To the left is Ruth working on her collage to describe our time together. To the right are the collages. This is how Ruth described her image, the one on the far right. Ruth loves her dogs and this dog is alert, ready. But the dog doesn't fit into a typical "dog pattern." This isn't what a dog normally looks like. If you click on the picture, you can see Ruth cut out words like "opening from an explosion." For Ruth, she had her opening and it was an awakening, a transcendence, a door that opened and let her closer to herself and the Holy. The dog picture is off the index card because the picture cannot be contained. Banish the binary! Gender should not be contained.

I picked out pictures that related to the Phoenix Rising, an opening, and "look your way" and banish the binary. Banish it. Heal. Be Whole. It's part of the call from the Holy.

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I took this great yoga class this past Monday and the yoga teacher asked at the beginning of class to set an intention for our practice. I knew I'd be working on Ruth's interview this week so I dedicated my practice of opening and explosive sun salutations to Ruth. During the practice, the teacher played this song, "One Step Closer to You" by Michael Franti & Spearhead. During the song, I couldn't get this image of Ruth out of my head, sitting in her studio apartment at Union, pondering, wishing, dreaming, excavating.....all at the same time taking one step closer to herself and the Holy.

Take a listen.

I've been down for far too long
'Til my faith was nearly gone
I never knew somebody just like you

Could be a friend I could call my own

'Til I let go of a broken heart
I let go to an open heart
I let go of my broken dreams
I let go to the mystery
And I believe in the miracles
I believe in the spiritual
I believe in the one above
I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you

I never meant to hurt you, no
And you never meant to hurt me too
But it seems like you always do
And even though I'm scared sometimes
If ever see you fallen down
I will be the one that's there for you

So I let go of a broken heart
I let go to an open heart
I let go of my broken dreams
I let go to the mystery
And I believe in the miracles
I believe in the spiritual
I believe in the one above
I believe in the one I love

And take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you
Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I take one step closer to you

I just take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you

I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
I keep on walking to you, I'm walking
And I'm never going to stop

Even when I've fallen down
My heart says follow through
I'll take one step closer
I'll take two steps closer

Just take one step closer to you
I just take one step closer to you